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Thursday, August 5, 2010

I've Been A Very Bad Girl

Dear Richard,

Sometimes I have a hard time behaving myself, it's no secret.

It's virtually impossible for me to hide how I feel about something - it's written on my face and evident in my body language. Conforming is not one of my strongest qualities, either, because honestly, it gets old after a while. When people try to be the boss of me, it makes me a snappish. And if I can't be in control, then I should pretty much just take my toys and go home...it's just not going to work out for us.

This brings us to the next, obvious topic....PUNISHMENT.

Giving me chores is unfair. Just look at me! Housework has aged me far beyond my years, and now I look like I am 38ish?! There is NO LOVE in giving someone a mop, or eight baskets of laundry and asking them to get it done. You should seriously reconsider your angle. Organizing the filing cabinet is also cruel and unusual punishment. There are no windows or people to talk to in the closet, and I would get bored. Considering the mischief that our kids can get into when they are bored, we probably shouldn't risk it.

After thoughtful consideration there IS a punishment that I think could adequately fit any offense committed. If you REALLY want to get me where it hurts, send me away from the house. Send me away from the children, the recipe scouring for dinner-make-ready, and the busy hours of homework every afternoon that I cherish so dearly. Separation from these treasured parts of my day would be enough to absolutely crush my spirit. If you really wanted to make my "mommy-time-out" even more torturous and consequential, it should be mandatory that the MTO also have A PEDICURE as part of the punishment. Since I hate to have have my feet rubbed, massaged, and fussed over, this would really be an effective way to show your disapproval of my horrific behavior.

Let me know what you think. I have an appointment scheduled for 6:30 tomorrow evening - a time of day that I love the most.

Your Loving Wife

Prompt #2 - If you were put in "time out", where would
you want to be placed and why?

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Funky Mama Bird said...

That is harsh, but it really is for the best, I'm sure. Perhaps I should tell my husband that I need a time out as well.

Jen said...

Now, I would be up for a 'mommy time out' too. :)

Jackie said...

I love this!!! It's exactly what I was thinking for punishment but written in a much better way!!

Bethany @ Organic Enchilada said...

Great post! And you're absolutely right - 6:30 is about the worst time of day. Followed closely by whatever time it is when I get my kids ready for bed. The whining, the stalling, the teeth brushing, the "I just need one drink of water"... But when that's all done? Bliss. :)

Jacki said...

Ha! I love the way you turned this prompt into a letter of very funny reverse psychology. Oh, a pedicure would most definitely be enough to change my ways.

Cecelia Winesap said...

Awesome! That's a time out I wouldn't mind being put in! :)

Mothers' Hideaway said...

Hahaha, that's awesome. I need a MTO like that soon, too.

A Long Drive

Big Fat Gini said...

My poor big fat feet are in total agreeance (yeah I know it's not a real word, but Al Gore used it once and that was fine, so why can't I?) with you!

Love it! Remember, housework makes you ugly.

Meredith said...

I would be willing to accompany you in your time out. Just so you don't get lonely or anything.

I'm selfless like that.

Shell said...

I need a time out like that!

Kristen T. said...

Can you tell my husband to send me to your time out, too? At *exactly* 6:30pm!

Hello! I'm Kate. said...

I think that your time out would be really hard to suffer through but I think you could handle it! ;)

Ashley @ Life Is Beautiful said...

I absolutely love your blog! I've been sitting here reading post after post. You just have a way with words!

Thanks for stopping by and being a follower. I can tell you that I am for sure following you back!

Lots of Smiles

The Literary Lioness said...

You're very funny! I hope your husband read this and gave you this "punishment" for your wicked ways!

Dropping by from Mama Kat's!


Kristina Churchill said...

How funny is that! I have a shirt that says "Mommy Nedds A Time Out"

My favorite shirt!


Stop by my blog and comment on what sketch I should pick for my daughter Katy!