Even as I sit here typing...I feel exhausted, lukewarm, and burnt out.
I had an epiphany yesterday while I was outside talking to my friend Amy. Did you know that Thanksgiving is NEXT THURSDAY?! Oh yeah. It is. And my kids will be out of school for the ENTIRE week.
The kids being out of school is a great thing - no lunches to pack or blaring alarm clocks early in the morning. NO HOMEWORK or Tuesday Folders. But the horror of this realization lies in the fact that the holidays have officially arrived, and the impending chaos is merely DAYS away.
I'll let you chew on that thought for a minute.....
Okay! Refocusing. Back to why I'm feeling the slow buuuuurn of BURN OUT?
There is always a list of things that I need to get done, errands to run, and items that need to be addressed. I have lists in my cell phone, lists in a spiral, mental lists, the family calendar to contend with, and items "not to forget" tucked under magnets on the fridge. It's the way I function.
Some might say, "Well, you need to create one big list and only use that one, single list." To those people I kindly say, "BITE ME!" If I existed and functioned solely in front of my refrigerator all day long, one list would definitely work. But alas....I do not.
Lately, the biggest pet peeve that I hear around the house is, "MMMOOOooommmMMM, you for got to (fill in the blank) again?!" It. Makes. Me. NUTS!
We have three kids.
Each of them have homework EVERY weeknight. More often than not, they have homework in two or three subjects, in addition to trying to squeeze in some "recreational" reading. Then there are the school projects. The word "project" strikes fear and loathing deep in the recesses of my soul. Although it is enjoyable to see the creative juices at work in my children, I immediately start to feel a little more overwhelmed as soon as the word is uttered aloud. It's just one more thing added to the load.
My JOB (the one that I drive to and get paid for) isn't overly stressful, but there are always things to be done. Billing, invoicing and past dues. Files to set up. Employee related items to address. Supplies to be ordered. Tax forms to file. And when the job is over for the day, I can't turn it off because I sit across the dinner table from my boss...and we "talk shop".
If I'm not doing things at home, I am running around doing things for the house, or working. Finding the time and manner in which to get "it all" done, and get "it all" done WELL is the bane of my existence. I struggle with personalizing my children's successes and failures, and the inference that their accomplishments are a direct reflection on my investment in them. I know it's NOT, but I am the one who gets the progress reports, receives the phone calls, sees the grades, and feels the pressure of knowing what they need to be working on....in addition to their already assigned homework. *grimace*
Maybe while the kids are out of school next week I'll be able to coast a little, take a few deep breaths and relax.
I NEED IT. Because I am burnt out.