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Monday, May 2, 2011

Needed: Inspiration & Will Power


I'm up at the butt crack of dark, browsing solutions on the Internet, and feeling like complete loser. Although that is just wishful thinking, because I am actually a successful GAINER.

I've managed to gain back all of the weight that I worked so hard to lose a couple years ago. I've let poor self esteem, horrible eating habits, our on-the-go lifestyle, and an addiction to high calorie foods sneak back in and take the driver's seat. These thoughts roll around in my head constantly, and my internal dialogue is always that "I'm going to do better". At different points in my life I've been better about disciplining myself and dropping the weight, but after existing in about ten years of chunkiness, the reality is that it's not just going to go away.

It's easy to look at the people around me and say, "Well, they're more successful because they've *fill in the blank*, but I *insert limitation here*". Regrettably though, as the scale continues to gradually climb, I must acknowledge that it isn't someone else getting on that scale every morning.....IT'S ME.

I've got to get my shit together.

I've got to overcome my own issues.

I've got to quit thinking that I'll always be fat.

I've got to pay attention to myself instead of comparing myself to others.

I've got to.

2 comments:

C.Mom said...

Nodding my head as I read this. I have been there, infact am there. And I have "taken charge" countless times even in the last few months- to no avail. I keep wondering what it is going to take to get myself in gear---but your post reminded me of how important it is. Thank you for that.

Jennifer said...

Somehow I am just reading this and I totally get it. After I had Noah, I somehow just told myself that people are fat after kids and I was forever changed. I accepted it, but wasn't happy with it. Then, when I finally got the point of total disgust, I did something about it and once it started coming off, I was inspired. Then, when I got to where I wanted to be, I loved the way I looked and marveled that I ever thought I couldn't do it. Then, I had Zoe... I told myself I would not get back in that situation again and I dropped all but 10 pounds of my pregnancy weight within a month. And then, three months later, it was all back plus some. And I waited until this year to finally do something about it again. It is slowly coming off, but it is much harder than last time and I am struggling. I still am not happy with the way I look and I am plateaued right now and keep blaming it on the fact that because of the kids' schedules and the fact I HAVE the kids.. I can't go to the gym. Somehow I told myself when DJ got home it would all turn around, but the reality is, for two weeks, he was on leave and I went to the gym and I did break the plateau, but then he went back to work and is gone before the gym opens and doesn't get home until after the evening Zumba classes are already over. So yeah, I feel ya.